Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
