Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
