I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
