so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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