This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
