My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
