Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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