i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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