You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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