The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
