Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
