fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
