i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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