im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
