New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
