remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
