Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
