Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
