so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
