totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
