I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
