It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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