Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
