you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You dont lie about slip and slides
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
