We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're like the curious george of whores
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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