drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
