She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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