I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
