Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
