never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
