she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
