i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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