do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
