Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
