i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
