How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You ate ashes out of my bong
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
