420 ftw
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
