Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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