I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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