I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
