She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
