i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize