she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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