There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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