Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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