Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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