I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
