I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
