rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
