So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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